Live each day in the moment, live for today, who knows what tomorrow will be bring. These adages seemed clichéd. Spoken in a mantra of positivity, flippantly thrown to those passing through a moment of apathy. Yet, their wisdom only became actualized when hurled into the throws of impending death. If only we knew what cruelty awaited. How I’d take back every wasted moment, live it again and linger in what are now fading memories. My search continues, as I face death, I continue to reel from what I lost, instead of living for what remains. Moments of wisdom come to me like hail storms, strong and fierce, live for the moment, it whispers. Why do I hesitate? It’s easier to remain submerged in distraction, than to bear witness to the present, that brings with it both sorrow and joy.
I ache for an embrace that our existence will be okay
That Fear can be demolished
I want to breathe for life, and no longer hold my breath in hope that we exist
I want a world where you can be free, and not be bound and chained by a world that commodifies you
I want us to grow and not drown
Why can’t I bring these hopes to you? I want to save you, but I can’t… I see the longing in you to live and the reflection in your eyes that I can’t save you.
Please save what I love, but am losing
If you look back far enough
You can see the blood that has fallen from my soul and lies at your footsteps. It amazes me how you never see the massacre at your feet. You calmly walk over my history as you smile and walk hand in hand with your kin, as if the world were made for you. Take a moment and peer at the past, a past you thought was beautiful is built upon my blood. You seized my blood; it nurtured your growth, but you never looked back and thanked what fertilized your world. Why? You’ve created stories of glories never achieved, fame that inflamed, all to bury the truth of the past. A past of jealousy and fear so deep that it depraved the innocent of sustenance, yet their blood sustained your growth.
If you acknowledge my presence in you, does your glory diminish? The foundation of your existence lies in my death, my death grew you. You flourished with each drop, grew stronger, sought knowledge and truth, all from the bloodshed that lays your feet.
But whose truth do you seek?